I've had some disagreements with the ex. I soon learned that if I "stood up for myself" that things just got worse. I have decided to just not get into "discussions" with him when there are disagreements, it's just not productive. I decided that it just isn't my job to teach him a thing, or even give consequences for the things I feel that he has done to me. That is, thankfully, God's job.
You know that parenting class that they make all people getting a divorce take? Well, in mine they taught us to focus on what is good for the child, no matter how ridiculous you may think your ex is being. I chose to follow that advice, because 1) my kids are my life, and 2) it seems to follow the "Golden Rule." I chose to not be like those who have hurt me, and backed down because I felt it was what God wanted me to do. I did it for Him, and, of course, my daughter. Please don't misunderstand, I am no doormat. I am, however, coming to realize that why even argue with someone that will never see eye to eye with me about anything? So, for me, sidestepping conflict keeps me from getting angry, and therefore helps my head stay on straight. I don't trust my mouth when I am angry. This disagreement was about driving. You'd think that is a small thing, and maybe it is, but the price of gas is a very big deal on my non-existent budget. Anyway, I chose to let things go and do things the ex's way because no way was I going to make my daughter feel bad that her parents were fighting again, and this time it was over something she needed. I want my children to know that taking care of them is a privilege and not a burden. Just a side-note here, I am not sure how she finds out about our disagreements, but I have my suspicions. Since she does find out when things go awry, I have to be very careful.
My ex responded to my new method in a very, very good way. It really made a difference once he realized I really had the children's best interest in mind. It seemed to really make things much better. We are actually talking civily, and acting more like aquaintences than adversaries. It has been wonderful for the kids. It gives me hope that co-parenting (don't you HATE that term) might be a little less difficult down the road.
It truly has completely shut down the drama, at least for now. I hope that something similar works for you.
I'd love to get some feedback.
"Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you."
-Doctrine and Covenants 68:6
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